How do I make bad coffee? You definitely won’t like the taste!
Why always talk about how to do it right.
coffeekult shows you the 5 most common mistakes that can turn your coffee into a total disaster.
As the saying goes, “You learn the most from mistakes,” so let’s try reverse psychology for once. It’s like the often-cited story where a child touches a hot stove. It only does it once!
We’ll show you when it will definitely make you sick because it’s so bad! That will only happen to you once.
And here’s a wise saying: “We learn not for school, but for life!” We’re glad that the coffeekult wokshops aren’t “schools,” but you can learn a lot here for life, because a good day famously starts with a perfect coffee!
Do you want to ruin your coffee completely?
Here are 5 brilliant instructions for:
- The best most bitter ever, ever, ever
- The tastiest bean-less audacity!
- Wonderfully watery coffee, without any flavor
- Coffee for delightful stomach aches
- The perfect one to get rid of all your friends!
The best most bitter ever, ever, ever
A few bitter substances are present in every coffee. Scientists estimate that about 15% of the bitterness comes from caffeine. Other bitter substances are formed during roasting, arising from the naturally occurring chlorogenic acids.
But you can top that: use boiling hot water for coffee preparation, whether with Chemex or AeroPress. This way, you’ll get really bitter stuff because all possible bitter substances are flushed out of the coffee! Tyrol is ideal for this because the boiling point of water is not 100 degrees but below that!
So when it’s boiling in Tyrol, it’s practically on fire! It’s best to use finely ground coffee powder, as the boiling hot water will then flow through more slowly, and the longer contact time with the grounds will make the whole brew mega bitter! Voila! Thus, you have the most bitter ever, ever, ever.
If you prefer it less bitter – a coffeekult tip: For every 300 meters in altitude, the boiling point decreases by one degree. At 1,000 meters, it’s more than 3 degrees, at 2,000 meters, it’s nearly 7 degrees. So water boils at 93°C at 2,000 meters, not at 100°C. It’s best to let the water stand for about a minute after boiling!
And if you want to know the right grind size for your brewing method, get advice when buying coffee beans at the coffeekult ROASTERY.
The tastiest bean-less audacity!
“What kind of bean-less audacity is this,” your friends will exclaim with delight when you serve them this swill!
How to prepare it? Save on the powder or dose as you please! Another good method: simply add plenty of water to the flour, then you’ll have more of the purchased coffee. Don’t listen to all the know-it-alls who tell you about the “brewing ratio.” “One spoonful per cup” – that’s how it should be, that’s how Mom has always done it, and it’ll work out fine! So if you want 4 large office cups of “extended” coffee, take 4 teaspoons and pour hot water over it.
You can see from the color how strong it will be. Whether you have an espresso machine, a Bialetti, or a French Press: 1 spoonful per cup and fill the rest with water or let it flow through the espresso machine until it is full!
If you already belong to the barista pros: Take a close look at your coffee powder, the larger the grain, the faster the water will run through. Ideal if you want your breakfast coffee to be light and easy and you want to keep sleeping at the office or at university! Cheers! If you want the ideal dosage – a coffeekult tip: The right brewing ratio, i.e., the amount of powder used in relation to water, allows for good extraction and then it tastes good.
Unfortunately, there is no uniform rule here, each brewing method also requires a different amount of coffee powder. The preparation doesn’t have to be rocket science, but we recommend a small kitchen scale to everyone, then everything will work out for you. How much water and what grind size make the beanless-audacity coffee a sensation? You will find out in the coffeekult workshops and in the coffeekult ROASTERY.
Wonderfully tasteless coffee
This is – admittedly – the easiest way to ruin a coffee and it doesn’t take much. As soon as you buy beans, have them ground immediately. The more you buy, the more you can grind! It’s actually logical.
If you’re already a half-pro, you can get 3 different and high-quality bean varieties somewhere and have them ground immediately. This will also save you a lot of time later because we all know: in the morning, you just don’t feel like spending a long time for a cup! The ground coffee then immediately comes into contact with the air, and you have a wonderful coffee aroma throughout the apartment. Who needs taste when you can spread the smell everywhere like this. It’s best to put the flour in one of these nice and often colorful coffee containers, we all got one from our parents at some point.
They were happy that we finally moved out, and as a thank you, the first coffee, nicely packaged, came to our new home. Be sure to always have enough coffee in the house. Ideally 2 to 3 packages, because even after 6 months, it still tastes wonderfully tasteless! This tasteless experience will enrich your life.
If you want to enchant your taste buds – a coffeekult tip:
Many may not want to hear it anymore when we say, “We recommend not grinding all the fresh beans right away!” But coffeekult has to continue to annoy you a little bit. Ground coffee loses its aroma above average quickly.
The purchase of a small grinder simply pays off, and there is something here for every budget. Only grind when you need it. It would be a shame if you bought good beans and then saved in the wrong place. Coffee beans don’t spoil as quickly, you can certainly still use them after years, but the taste just goes down the drain. coffeekult always indicates the roast date on the packages. That’s the day our beans jump fresh out of our drum roasting and wait for coffee connoisseurs. The shorter it is, the more “whowww” the coffee is!
Coffee for cozy stomach aches
Some people just like it when their stomach pinches and rumbles. How do you achieve that? For the cappuccino faction: if you’ve ruled out all health reasons, such as lactose intolerance or lactose intolerance, simply heat the milk very hot. This destroys any nice and smooth milk froth and – let’s be honest – who needs that stupid heart in their cup anyway. A coarse and fluffy milk froth also destroys all milk fat, which is only a flavor carrier and is easy on the stomach.
You can also get a little stomach pull and pinch with a super-extracted coffee: just use very finely ground powder again, after all, the investment in the coffee grinder has to pay off, and let the water sit with it for a long time. This caffeine kick will hit you right in the stomach area, definitely better than kickboxing or a bar fight!
And the wildest stomach aches – but we advise against it – you get from freezer coffee! What’s that? Coffee powder is known to be best stored in the freezer, because that’s where the aromas and oils remain and fine mold usually settles in as well. Not the good mold from a noble cheese, but the other one that somehow smells like earth and dirt. Stomach aches are guaranteed. And the clear advantage: the coffee lasts forever! Certainly longer than you do!
If you just want to enjoy a cup – a coffeekult tip:
Your grinder was a great investment, so was the kitchen scale. But please always make sure that the grind size and quantity are right. This is where stomach fiascos often occur, as the bitter substances simply don’t get along well with the stomach lining. For those of you who foam milk: at the coffeekult workshop, we will teach you how to do it with lots of heart. You can of course leave out the heart! By the way, storage should always be at room temperature, and the less air that gets in, the better. Here we also have the right containers for you.
The ideal one to get rid of all your friends!
Who needs friends anyway! You can do this very easily!
Just go to the discount store and buy the cheapest coffee you can get for money. Or try to get one of those quantity discounts and promotions that many supermarkets offer, proudly emphasizing regional and local produce and fair prices for all. Conveniently, the coffee is already ground and with 2 kilograms, you’ll easily get through a few months.
You don’t even need to look at the label because no one needs to know where it comes from and whether it’s Robusta or Arabica. They’re just two useless “foreign words,” and it’s all about the taste! If you want to be sure, look at all the certificates listed there. Then you definitely have the very best, and at a price per kilo of a few euros, the money is certainly going directly to the farmers in the country of origin.
A rogue who thinks evil! Don’t always be so critical and don’t question the whole world right away. The main thing is you have something cheap and can enjoy it all by yourself. Who needs friends, coffee with a clear conscience rules the world!
You want to enjoy good coffee with your friends – a coffeekult tip:
As they say: Just use your brain and think a little outside the box! That can also be helpful 🙂